Autobot Autocorrect
by alienlover64
Summary: When the Autobots meet autocorrect hilarity ensues! Prepare for awkward situations and crazy shenanigans! Rated T for language. Original idea(s) goes to Love Is 4 Walls, along with the first 23 chapters (not counting the message chapter). I was just given permission to continue it.
1. Chapter 1

As said in the summary, full credit goes to the author Love Is 4 Walls for the first 23 chapters and the context in those chapters. Starting at chapter 24 and onward are credited to me.

 **Beware! This story contains sexual language and cursing, read at your own risk!**

 **7/28/16 Note 1:** all parts that were in the original story will be posted today. After all that is done, updates for this story will be on the weekends, or whenever I'm free and able to update my stories.

 **7/28/16 Note 2:** any errors will be fixed and edited as I go on.

 **6/8/2018 Note 3:** all errors that I made are fixed now.

* * *

 **Jack:** My penis broke and spilt all over my pants :(

 **Jack:** Oh god...pen! I broke my pen!

 **Miko:** Bahahaha! Are you f*cking serious?

 **Miko:** I totally love you for this dude! You just made my week!

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Hey Miko, how is your day going?

 **Miko:** Terrible! I have detention already! I hate manboobs T.T

 **Miko:** Lmao. MONDAYS! Not manboobs!

 **Bulkhead:** What are manboobs?

* * *

 **Raf:** Guess what Bee? I have a new toy car!

 **Bee:** That's great Raf. What type of car is it?

 **Raf:** It's a corpse!

 **Bee:** A CORPSE!

 **Raf:** Oh no! No! It's a camaro! Lol :)

 **Bee:** You scare me sometimes o.O

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** Bumblebee where are you? I've been sexting you 4 ages!

 **Smokescreen:** Oh frag texting! Not the other thing!

 **Bee:** Bahahahaha XD

 **Bee:** This is hilarious! You've just made Ratchet laugh!

 **Smokescreen:** Damn you auto carrot!

* * *

 **Optimus:** Agent Fowler, have you left for the meeting with General Bryce yet?

 **Agent Fowler:** Sorry! I'm still in my basement fondling the landlady.

 **Agent Fowler:** I am fondling the landlady!

 **Optimus:** Please keep the details of your interface life to yourself Agent Fowler.

 **Agent Fowler:** Sorry! Quake happening again!

 **Optimus:** An earthquake?

 **Agent Fowler:** I'm fondling the laundry!

 **Optimus:** Ok, you're fondling your landlady in your basement during an earthquake.

 **Optimus:** I'll tell General Bryce you'll be a bit late.

* * *

 **Arcee:** Ultra Magnus, can you help me? I'm stuck...

 **Ultra Magnus:** Where?

 **Arcee:** I'm stuck underneath a massive cock inside the erect mine...

 **Ultra Magnus:** What?

 **Arcee:** Primus! I'm stuck under a rock in the erect mine!

 **Arcee:** The energon mine slaggit!

 **Ultra Magnus:** I'll groundbridge to your coordinates

 **Arcee:** Thank you :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Raf:** Eek! I have 2 go 2 the dentist tomorrow!

 **Jack:** Don't worry, everything will be fine Raf I can feel it in my boner!

 **Jack:** AH! I meant bones! I hate my phone!

 **Raf:** You just made me feel WAY better XD. Thanks!

* * *

 **Miko:** Bulk, can u help me? I need to tune my goat again :I

 **Miko:** I need to tune my goat!

 **Miko:** MY GOAT

 **Miko:** My g-u-i-t-a-r

 **Bulkhead:** hehe, lol I'll help u

 **Miko:** Thanks! x

* * *

 **Arcee:** Sooo tired! Wheeljack has been tea hong me how to wire a grenade.

 **Arcee:** He's been TEACHNING me.

 **Arcee:** WTF is tea hong?

 **Smokescreen:** Is it like tea with a happy ending?

 **Smokescreen:** LOL, I want some :P

* * *

 **Jack:** What's 4 dinner Mom?

 **June:** I'm making some tameness.

 **June:** I mean I'm making tampon!

 **Jack:** wtf Mom? O.o

 **June:** Dang spell check! I'm making ramen :)

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** I just finished watching Paranormal Activity with Jack, I'm so scared now!

 **Smokescreen:** I feel like I'm gonna have a pancake attack!

 **Smokescreen:** Fraggin autocorrect! I meant panic attack.

 **Ratchet:** I was way more worried when you said pancake attack.

* * *

 **June:** Jack, do you know how to use Powerpoint?

 **Jack:** Nope, sorry Mom. It isn't even on my laptop.

 **Jack:** Try asking Raf, he has POINTYTITS

 **Jack:** I'm so sorry, my phone has a dirty mind.

 **June:** Um...

* * *

 **Miko:** Hey Jack, where are u?

 **Jack:** I'm with Raf at the base. Why?

 **Miko:** Nothin' I was just thinking of bringing some arsenic with me.

 **Miko:** OMG I meant Starbucks! Srsly!

 **Miko:** Worst typo ever!

 **Jack:** LOL. I actually fell off the couch when I read that!

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** What are you reading?

 **Arcee:** Just a little FUCKILOVEPULPYJUICE

 **Wheeljack:** WTF?

 **Arcee:** That was supposed to be Frankenstein...

 **Wheeljack:** lol autocorrect

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** Hey Bulkhead, we have patrol in like 5 min

 **Bulkhead:** Sorry! I'm just finishing doing a crossdressing!

 **Smokescreen:** O.o WTF Bulkhead? How did u get into Arcee's quarters?

 **Bulkhead:** Sorry to scare you! I'm doing a crossword!

 **Smokescreen:** The mental image will haunt me to my dying day...


	3. Chapter 3

**Breakdown:** Knockout where are you? Starscream is going to flip Pittsburgh on you if you're not back soon!

 **Breakdown:** Meant flip out!

 **Knockout:** Lol Pittsburgh is a lot of scrap to flip on somebot

* * *

 **Megatron:** Starscream! Another Predacon bone has been located in HAIRYWHORES. Go secure it before the Autobots do!

 **Starscream:** Um...ok?

 **Megatron:** *Harrisburg

 **Starscream:** Not even going to try and understand that.

* * *

 **Knockout:** Wads up?

 **Knockout:** What the serious fork?

 **Knockout:** Why won't this heap of scrap let me be rapist?

 **Knockout:** *Real! I swear I'm not a rapist!

 **Knockout:** Damn you ass cork!

 **Knockout:** o.O AUTOCORRECT!

 **Breakdown:** Well, that was a nice chat. See you later :D

* * *

 **Predaking:** Megatron was looking at me like unwashed nuts!

 **Predaking:** meant to say like I was nuts!

 **Starscream:** Lol

* * *

 **Knockout:** I mean not to toot my porn horn but my finish is WAY shinier than his.

 **Knockout:** Well, I meant own horn but I like porn horns too ;)

 **Breakdown:** XD I just fell over!

* * *

 **Starscream:** There's a party in the Rec-room. Be there or be sasquatch!

 **Starscream:** SQUARE! Wtf is a sasquatch?

 **Dreadwing:** Fragged if I know

* * *

 **Soundwave:** I have to stop trying to write reports and text at the same time. It took me a whole day yesterday!

 **Knockout:** Homunculus!

 **Knockout:** *Holy scrap. Wtf is a homunculus?

 **Soundwave:** "an artificially made dwarf" according to a human dictionary

 **Knockout:** Bahahaha!

* * *

 **Knockout:** Guess what I just downloaded!

 **Knockout:** Jack and the sex flasher!

 **Knockout:** slag! Jack and the sex slayer

 **Knockout:** Ship! Jack and the giant slayer!

 **Breakdown:** Having issues?

 **Knockout:** This heap of slag keeps massage my boob up!

 **Breakdown:** You had boobs all this time and you never showed me? I'm so hurt!

 **Knockout:** Lol. I meant messing up


	4. Chapter 4

**Bumblebee:** Hey Smokescreen are you any good at blowing?

 **Smokescreen:** Not since that one time in the Academy ;)

 **Bumblebee:** Lol *bowling

 **Bumblebee:** Wait what?

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** Dude where are you?

 **Jack:** Sorry Smoky! My mom asked me to help her sell her vagina on Craigslist

 **Jack:** I'm photographing it and stuff

 **Smokescreen:** Take your time dude XD

 **Jack:** o.O I meant china

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Party Rock Anthem stuck in my helm! Make it stop!

 **Wheeljack:** Every day I'm snuffleupagus

 **Wheeljack:** Shuffling* lol wtf?

 **Bulkhead:** I'm lmfao XD

* * *

 **Raf:** What colour is your dress again Miko?

 **Miko:** fuckweasel

 **Raf:** WTF?

 **Miko:** fuchsia! Bahahaahaha

* * *

 **Arcee:** I died a little on the inside :(

 **Wheeljack:** I'll bang you back to life!

 **Wheeljack:** *Bring

 **Wheeljack:** I feel like a rapist now (._.)

 **Arcee:** XD.I just started laughing so hard in the middle of a meeting! If looks could kill I'd be offline!

* * *

 **Ultra Magnus:** Thank you for helping with the reports today Arcee

 **Arcee:** Shore whalecum

 **Arcee:** Sorry! Meant shore whalecum

 **Arcee:** SHORE WHALECUM

 **Ultra Magnus:** Do you mean you're welcome

 **Arcee:** Yes! Thanks for figuring it out :D

 **Ultra Magnus:** Shore whalecum

 **Ultra Magnus:** Slaggit...

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** Sorry Optimus before I forget. I'm gonna be a bit Kate to the meeting tomorrow because I have a fucktard appointment.

 **Optimus:** What's a fucktard appointment and who's Kate?

 **Agent Fowler:** *Doctors *Late

 **Agent Fowler:** Never text and drive!

* * *

 **Optimus:** Sometimes Auto zucchini is right and sometimes it's horribly wrong.

 **Miko:** Auto cocksucker always corrects my pancakes

 **Miko:** Mistakes! What the fructose?

 **Miko:** What the flounder!

 **Miko:** Fiscal cliff!

 **Miko:** Neurotransmitters!

 **Optimus:** How do you get "neurotransmitters" from "fuck"?

 **Miko:** Idk why it's even in my potato

 **Miko:** I'm sorry I have to go bash my head off a wall now

 **Optimus:** I'll have Ratchet on standby


	5. Chapter 5

**Jack:** My hand hurts! :[

 **Jack:** I'm finished with Donkey Cock!

 **Smokescreen:** I never thought you were into that kind of thing

 **Jack:** Just put this on the internet.

 **Smokescreen:** I already did

* * *

 **June:** I fucked that chair at Target for $50

 **June:** It was a pretty good deal

 **Ratchet:** You did what?

 **June:** Huh?

 **Ratchet:** Read the first message you sent me

 **June:** Oh my god...

 **Ratchet:** Hey if that's what you actually meant no judgement here, just wait until you get it home next time

* * *

 **Jack:** Hey! Guess What I got for my birthday?

 **Miko:** I dunno. Tell me :)

 **Jack:** A new camera! It's only five megalosaurus

 **Jack:** MEGALOSAURUS

 **Jack:** God donut!

 **Jack:** Megafuckingpixels

 **Miko:** Just fell off the couch XD

* * *

 **Raf:** Christmas music playing on the radio. Makes me feel happy :]

 **Raf:** Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer had a very shiny nose

 **Bee:** And if you ever saw it, you might even say it globulates

 **Raf:** hahahahaha wtf?

 **Bee:** Autocorrect ruined Christmas!

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Hey Wheeljack are you coming with me and Miko to the kinky fuck concert?

 **Bulkhead:** Oh primus I meant Linkin Park concert!

 **Wheeljack:** Well first I was all for it, but now...

* * *

 **Optimus:** So how'd your check-up go?

 **Arcee:** Not bad, Ratchet just put me on a smurf-control pill

 **Optimus:** A smurf control pill?! You have smurfs? And they need to be controlled?

 **Arcee:** Oh donut! A birth control pill!

 **Arcee:** FML Donuts, Smurfs. I'm a hot mess

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Happy birthday doc-bot

 **Ratchet:** Thanks

 **Wheeljack:** I have the biggest strap-on for you!

 **Wheeljack:** *Surprise

 **Wheeljack:** Not the other thing

 **Ratchet:** Well this is awkward...

* * *

 **Bee:** Hey Smoky whatcha up to?

 **Smokescreen:** Just listening to Panic at the Dildo. Why?

 **Smokescreen:** PANIC AT THE DILDO

 **Bee:** Smoky no dildo is that scary. Do you mean Panic at the Disco?

 **Smokescreen:** Yeah that one

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Frag! Maroon 5 stuck in my helm again!

 **Wheeljack:** Again?

 **Bulkhead:** I GOT THEM MOOBS LIKE JAGGER I GOT THEM MOOBS LIKE JAGGER

 **Wheeljack:** MOOBS? Lmfao XD

 **Bulkhead:** Lol MOVES. This just made my week

 **Wheeljack:** You made me snort dammmit! You know how hard it is to make me do that? VERY!


	6. Chapter 6

**Miko:** If I lie down I can't beware through my nose!

 **Miko:** If you hear fatty badger tonight, it's actually me

 **Jack:** Fatty badger? Miko are you high?

 **Miko:** DARTH VADER WTF PHONE?

 **Miko:** Beware? Breathe!

 **Jack:** My stomach...hurts...ow! XD

* * *

 **Bee:** Hey Raf, random questioWho's your favourite superhero?

 **Raf:** Nananananananananananananana BREAST MILK!

 **Raf:** Wtf o.O Batman!

 **Bee:** Bahahahaha this is awesome XD

 **Bee:** Autocorrect FTW

* * *

 **Jack:** Nite Mom :)

 **June:** Night Sweetie!

 **June:** I love oblong wieners

 **Jack:** Mom! O.o

 **June:** *you so much

 **Jack:** Can I bill Steve Jobs for the therapy I'm gonna need now?

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** What time are you finished patrol?

 **Bulkhead:** 8:30 why? Are you and I doin something tonite?

 **Wheeljack:** Sure just gonna lick it in the Rec-room are you down?

 **Wheeljack:** Lick!

 **Wheeljack:** fragging k-i-c-k!

 **Wheeljack:** In a dork!

 **Wheeljack:** I'm a snork!

 **Wheeljack:** I give up

 **Bulkhead:** See you at 8:30 dude :D

* * *

 **Ratchet:** Hey Wheeljack good news- Ultra Magnus is homosexual!

 **Wheeljack:** Eh...okay?

 **Ratchet:** Homo hot lips!

 **Ratchet:** Hot tulips!

 **Ratchet:** I'm getting fisted now!

 **Ratchet:** Ferret!

 **Ratchet:** *Grrr.

 **Ratchet:** Primus Damsel!

 **Ratchet:** Ultra Magnus is h-o-m-e

 **Wheeljack:** Okay Ratchet. This was a nice chat XD

 **Wheeljack:** Homo hot lips?!

* * *

 **June:** Jack do you want mashed potatoes or bitchgobblet potatoes for dinner tonight?

 **June:** What? Butthurt potatoes!

 **June:** Damn auto cockroach!

 **June:** I give up

 **Jack:** How about we get takeout tonight?

 **June:** Sure. 3 you jack :]

* * *

 **Knockout:** Do you have a minute?

 **Knockout:** I need your ASSINMYFACE

 **Breakdown:** Lol can we leave my aft out of this?

 **Knockout:** Rofl

 **Knockout:** Assistance!

 **Breakdown:** Lol I'll be right over :]

* * *

 **Bee:** I'm so depressed!

 **Smokescreen:** Trust me, if I was with you I'd give you the biggest HUGECOCK ever :]

 **Bee:** ...

 **Smokescreen:** I meant HIV

 **Bee:** Hahahahahahahaha NOPE

 **Smokescreen:** I meant hug I swear!

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** I can't believe you're gonna miss it Bee. We've been planning it for weeks!

 **Bee:** Look, I'm sorry I'm gonna miss the hairy penis weekend but I have to do a two day patrol as punishment for that last prank I did. Can we do it some other weekend?

 **Bee:** *HAIRY POTTY

 **Bee:** P-O-T-T-E-R

 **Smokescreen:** XD that more than makes up for it


	7. Chapter 7

**Bee:** Oh, primus just saw the last movie I love Crumbled pore

 **Smokescreen:** What. The. Frag.

 **Bee:** Fumbled ore

 **Bee:** Dimpled whore

 **Bee:** Lol! Dimpledore!

 **Bee:** Dumbledore

 **Bee:** There I said it

 **Smokescreen:** That just made my day now dude XD

* * *

 **Ultra Magnus:** If you're going on patrol be careful. It's coming down really hard out there.

 **Arcee:** Yeah. I can't hear myself think with the ram with the metal hooves

 **Ultra Magnus:** I don't even want to ask you where you are.

* * *

 **Jack:** It's official! I'm sick and I feel like sh**

 **Jack:** I'm just go home and take some paracetamol and have some Chuck Norris soup

 **Smokescreen:** Chuck Norris soup

 **Jack:** Hell no. While I'm sure Chuck Norris soup has serious healing powers I'm out of the main ingredient! I'm gonna make do with chicken noodle instead

* * *

 **Megatron:** This base is a dump

 **Optimus:** Well, at least we're not tomatoes anymore.

 **Megatron:** Yeah, this is infinitely better than being an organic fruit.

 **Optimus:** Enemies T.T

* * *

 **Bee:** I'm gonna recharge. I'll comm you at 9

 **Arcee:** I wish I could recharge, Jack's neighbor has like twelve Welshmen tied to his tree and they're so fragging loud!

 **Bee:** I'd be loud if I was tied to a tree too. WTF are you talking about!

 **Arcee:** *windchimes

* * *

 **June:** I'm so pissed! I ripped my vag today trying to stuff a pair of shoes into it!

 **June:** Oh god...

 **June:** Bag I swear!

 **Ratchet:** Well, that's one mental image that will haunt me forever

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** You would be so proud I told her holla that rated that I only facebook milk milk

 **Wheeljack:** You would be proud that I sat through the Titanic with Miko

 **Bulkhead:** XD the fragged up message is fragged up! Facebook milk milk? Wtf?

 **Wheeljack:** I need to name this damn thing after my ex. She didn't listen to me either


	8. Chapter 8

**Jack:** I just swallowed a huge piece of bubblegum. Is that bad?

 **June:** Oh no, I've swallowed loads of cum in my life and I'm still here.

 **Jack:** Ew mom TMI! O.o

 **June:** I meant gum I swear!

 **Jack:** Sure you did :P

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Where the frag is everyone?

 **Miko:** Bumblebee, Smokescreen and Raf are playing GTA V...

 **Miko:** Jack is jizzing on the couch...

 **Bulkhead:** Ew are you serious?

 **Miko:** on the couch jizzing

 **Miko:** Jiggling

 **Miko:** Chilling dammit!

 **Bulkhead:** How often do you write jizzing o.O

* * *

 **Breakdown:** What are you talking about?

 **Knockout:** I hate auto-erection!

 **Breakdown:** Do you mean auto-correct?

 **Knockout:** Yeah auto-erection

 **Knockout:** T.T Do you know how to turn it off

 **Breakdown:** Nope, that sounds like a personal problem

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** I'm heading to the store-room, need anything sexual?

 **Wheeljack:** *special

 **Arcee:** I could think of a few things!

 **Arcee:** Lol

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** Do ducks have jackets

 **Agent Fowler:** Did muck save maggots

 **Agent Fowler:** !

 **Agent Fowler:** Does husk make gaggles

 **Agent Fowler:** Never Mind

 **Ratchet:** What. The. Serious. Frag

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** When are you gonna ask her?

 **Smokescreen:** Tonight. I'm really nervous!

 **Wheeljack:** We hop it goes well

 **Wheeljack:** We hopping

 **Wheeljack:** Wawa skittletits

 **Wheeljack:** WE HOPE

 **Smokescreen:** That did not just happen! XD

 **Smokescreen:** Wawa skittletits!?

* * *

 **Miko:** I'm sorry you didn't get the collage you wanted Jack

 **Jack:** Erection is hard!

 **Jack:** Ugh REJECTION is hard haha

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** So how big is your new hooker?

 **Bulkhead:** Homo

 **Bulkhead:** Homer

 **Bulkhead:** How big is your house dammit!

 **Raf:** XD I'll send you pics

* * *

 **Miko:** Yo I'm so horny I could eat a dong rite now ;)

 **Miko:** Horny for dong!

 **Miko:** Hungry for dong!

 **Miko:** DONG not dong!

 **Miko:** DOG

 **Miko:** Fridge Auto cucumber!

 **Miko:** Ferret!

 **Miko:** Dude you there?


	9. Drunk Texts

**Bulkhead:** I wasn't that overcharged!

 **Wheeljack:** You stuffed Ravage in a pillowcase and ran around singing 'It's a pillow! It's a pet! It's a pillow pet!'

 **Bulkhead:** Oh...

* * *

 **June:** I wasn't that drunk...

 **Jack:** You were sitting in the fireplace shouting "Diagon Alley!"

 **June:** Sorry you had to see that (._.)

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** I wasn't that drunk!

 **Raf:** You were petting my cat saying "Look how small this lion is!"

 **Agent Fowler:** At least he was orange!

 **Raf:** It's a black cat

* * *

 **Arcee:** I interfaced with your Mechfriend! Sorry I was so overcharged I couldn't see straight!

 **Chromia:** Well I interfaced with yours but I wasn't drunk ;)

 **Arcee:** I didn't mean to send this to you

 **Chromia:** This is awkward...

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Why did you try to kiss me last night?

 **Smokescreen:** I was overcharged I guess. Did I do any other weird thing?

 **Bulkhead:** You called me an obese penguin...

 **Smokescreen:** ...You know what actually sounds like me

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** I wasn't that bad, I drove myself home

 **Ratchet:** Don't deny it.

 **Agent Fowler:** What?

 **Ratchet:** I drove you home. You drove a paper plate

 **Agent Fowler:** Oh! I thought that was a dream.

 **Ratchet:** Idiot!


	10. Chapter 10

**Smokescreen:** Movie night tonight! You got any ideas for what we should watch?

 **Arcee:** IDK, Miko has rented _Pirates Of The Carrotpenis_ so I think we'll just watch that.

 **Smokescreen:** Carrotpenis?

 **Arcee:** What?

 **Smokescreen:** Read the last text you sent me

 **Arcee:** Autocorrect ftw!

* * *

 **Jack:** Hey, do you want to go to the cinema and see Snow White and the Congressmen?

 **Jack:** Bunnymen

 **Jack:** Huntsman! There I said it!

 **Miko:** dafuq?

* * *

 **Jack:** Hey Fowler, I'm thinking of buying a parrot for my mom. What do you think?

 **Fowler:** Cool, when I was in my twenties I had a COCKATTACK

 **Fowler:** *Cockatoo!

 **Jack:** What the...

 **Fowler:** I don't even know

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** Hey bro, what's happening on FISTMEDADDY?

 **Smokescreen:** *Friday

 **Bee:** How many times have you typed FISTMEDADDY?

 **Smokescreen:** Too many apparently!

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Hey Cee are you and Jack going racing tonite?

 **Arcee:** Nope, he's gone to Raf's house for some GERBLESEX

 **Arcee:** GERMAN FOOD, GERMAN FOOD I SWEAR!

 **Wheeljack:** Sounds cool. To clarify the German food, not the bestiality.

* * *

 **June:** I'm only getting $60 dollars back on tax this year T.T

 **Ratchet:** That sucks

 **June:** Now I can't buy the ROBOTSEX I wanted

 **Ratchet:** What?!

 **June:** Oh my god, ROOMBA

 **Ratchet:** What's that?

 **June:** An automatic robot vacuum

 **Ratchet:** Lame, I'd rather have the robot sex

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** I heard Miko got stung by some bees this morning. Is she okay? Is she in hospital?

 **Jack:** She's okay now. No hospital.

 **Jack:** She had to take the deep penis

 **Bulkhead:** What the frag?

 **Jack:** I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS

 **Jack:** Oh for the love of...

 **Jack:** Epi Pen

* * *

 **Bee:** Are you there Smoky?

 **Smokescreen:** Yeah what's up Bee?

 **Bee:** I'm eating Arcee out tonite so you'll have to drive Raf home

 **Smokescreen:** I'm not sure how to respond to that. Umm have fun?

 **Bee:** I'm not eating her out. I'm eating her out

 **Smokescreen:** Well that sure clears things up

 **Bee:** I mean taking! Well this has been a fun chat.


	11. Chapter 11

**Jack:** Hey Miko, Mom is going to stock up the fridge at the base today and she wants to know if 3.25% homosexual milk okay?

 **Jack:** *Homosexual

 **Jack:** **Homo

 **Jack:** I meant honk milk

 **Jack:** Homo milk

 **Jack:** I give up

* * *

 **Bee:** Aww thanks so much :)

 **Bee:** And you're not tall

 **Bee:** You're vertically gifted

 **Optimus:** Wow, it sounds way better when you say it that way

 **Bee:** Lol, now if someone asks you to describe yourself tell them you're vertically gifted. They'll instantly impregnated!

 **Bee:** I meant impressed. Damn autocorrect T.T

* * *

 **Fowler:** Just got back from the doctor

 **Ratchet:** Is it confirmed to be pneumonia?

 **Fowler:** Yep, chest x-ray said it all. Lungs are full of rum

 **Ratchet:** Wow. Rum huh?

* * *

 **Miko:** I'm so bored!

 **Jack:** Wanna come over? I just ordered Chinese. Sexual chicken

 **Jack:** Shit. Scherzo an chicken

 **Jack:** Schezuan chicken. WTF Siri?

 **Miko:** I can't breathe. Sexual chicken? XD

* * *

 **Knockout:** Thanks so much for taking my shift. You're Amazon

 **Breakdown:** Aww thanks. You're eBay ;P

 **Knockout:** Frag! Meant to say you're amazing T_T

* * *

 **Jack:** Sounds yummy

 **June:** Yeah, I'm gonna top the cake with cursed Oreos

 **June:** Oh my god...

 **Jack:** LMAO

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Hey, sex for dinner?

 **Wheeljack:** *What's for dinner. What the frag autocorrect?

 **Bee:** Sex for dinner? Yes please XD

* * *

 **Smoky:** Boo I wanna go out but Ratchet won't let me cuz I have a virus

 **Raf:** Me too. Am super sick. I'm basically a snot lobster

 **Raf:** Hahahaha MONSTER. SNOT MONSTER. But that was hilarious

 **Smoky:** Ah! It hurts to laugh! But was seriously funny!

 **Raf:** This is going on Facebook. Right now


	12. Chapter 12

**Arcee:** Yeah, but it still sucks that they hate each other, it's making things so awkward!

 **Jack:** Sorry for not replying. We got a new fridge and I was just eloping with it.

 **Jack:** **helping

 **Jack:** Oh god! I hope you're at least in a good mood now :I

* * *

 **Bee:** Perfect! How does March 29 sound for loving me?

 **Bee:** Oh Primus! Stupid autocorrect, moving in!

 **Bee:** I'm dying of embarrassment (='_'=)

 **Smokescreen:** Don't worry, I know how you feel :]

 **Smokescreen:** Yes, March 29 sounds good.

* * *

 **Ratchet:** He's so irritating!

 **Optimus:** Oh, hopefully he has a change of wart

 **Optimus:** Heart!

 **Ratchet:** Wart! That's amazing ("^_^)

* * *

 **Miko:** Lol, no. Just some album drool to help the cough

 **Miko:** WTF Siri? Alb uterus

 **Miko:** Arbiter ok

 **Jack:** Albuterol?

 **Miko:** Yes!

* * *

 **Jack:** Damn, there is a really hot goat sitting across from me.

 **Arcce:** Oh really now

 **Jack:** FML, meant girl not goat

 **Arcee:** Hear that? That's the sound of me screen-capping this and putting it on the Internet

 **Jack:** suck my dick

 **Arcee:** Ask the goat

* * *

 **Miko:** You there?

 **Bulkhead:** Yeah what's up

 **Miko:** I just saw Sierra making out with her friend

 **Bulkhead:** Lol, I love autocorrect

 **Miko:** No, for real. I straight up saw Sierra making out with her friend in the janitors closet.

 **Bulkhead:** I was not expecting that.

* * *

 **Breakdown:** Haha ok

 **Knockout:** There's like 5 ducks fucking me right now

 **Breakdown:** DON'T LET THEM VIOLATE YOU. RUN

 **Knockout:** *Following. I swear

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Bulkhead, where are you!

 **Bulkhead:** Watching the super owl on the internet

 **Bulkhead:** Frag, superbowl

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Yayy :D

 **Wheeljack:** One more high-grade then we're lesbian

 **Ultra Magnus:** What?

 **Wheeljack:** *Leaving!


	13. Chapter 13

**Miko:** If we had stayed together today would have been our one year anniversary :(

 **Smokescreen:** Let's watch some chicks fuck

 **Miko:** DAFUQ DID YOU JUST SAY

 **Smokescreen:** Sorry! I meant to type chickflicks, I swear

 **Miko:** Sure you did

* * *

 **Bee:** The line is so long!

 **Bulkhead:** Just go in the sith entrance, it's quicker

 **Bee:** I can't use the sith entrance. I'm a jedi :(

* * *

 **Arcee:** Hey, can I ask a sexual favour?

 **Ratchet:** Oh, I'm flattered ;P

 **Arcee:** What did I say?

 **Ratchet:** Read the last message you sent me

 **Arcee:** Oh primus. I'm dying of embarrassment. *special favour!

 **Ratchet:** I just laughed out loud in the medbay. Optimus now thinks that I'm crazy. Thanks a lot.

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** I'm so lonely.

 **Arcee:** Aww why?

 **Bulkhead:** Bee and Smokescreen are having a sex marathon and Ultra Magnus is fisting Wheeljack

 **Arcee:** (O_0) what?!

 **Bulkhead:** Oh primus, Magnus is VISITING Wheeljack. Not fisting.

 **Arcee:** Well, those are some mental images I won't forget for a while.

* * *

 **Starscream:** 370HSSV

 **Shockwave:** What.

 **Starscream:** Turn it upside down ;)

* * *

 **Miko:** My lips are so dry, ugh

 **June:** Do you want some vagisil? I always keep some in my bag.

 **Miko:** What the hell?

 **June:** I meant Vaseline! I swear I did!

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** Speaking of downsizing, I'm selling an antique pimp organ. Do you think Craigslist is a good idea?

 **Agent Fowler:** *pipe organ

 **Agent Fowler:** I'm keeping the pimp organ

 **Agent Fowler:** I don't think anyone is making new ones

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Miko where are you. I've been sitting here for an hour.

 **Miko:** Sorry! Chewbacca wouldn't stop running her mouth

 **Bulkhead:** You're friends with Chewbacca and you never told me

 **Miko:** *Chelsea, not Chewbacca

 **Miko:** Although that would be awesome

* * *

 **Bee:** I just finished reading Dracula yesterday. I have to say it's awesome!

 **Raf:** I think Bra Sticker was an amazing author

 **Raf:** Shit. Meant Bram Stoker

 **Raf:** Bee?

 **Bee:** Can't text...

 **Bee:** Too busy trying not to laugh in the middle of a meeting


	14. Chapter 14

**Bulkhead:** It's nice to be at peace and all, but I still find it hard to trust them sometimes.

 **Wheeljack:** Don't worry about it, we're all in the same boat. I'm heterosexual for you!

 **Bulkhead:** Um...thanks?

 **Wheeljack:** I meant here. I'm HERE for you.

* * *

 **Ratchet:** Thanks for your help! You're like a breast of fresh ass

 **First Aid:** Not sure what you mean by that, I'll take it as a compliment

 **Ratchet:** *Breath of fresh air

 **First Aid:** What does that even mean?

 **Ratchet:** It's a human expression, you'll get used to it

 **First Aid:** I see

* * *

 **Miko:** It's official. I love Art class

 **Bulkhead:** Why? I thought you said that the teacher was creepy and smelled like gherkins

 **Miko:** Yeah, but ballsack wood is freakin awesome!

 **Miko:** Shit, meant ballsack wood

 **Miko:** B-A-L-S-A wood. There I said it

* * *

 **Jack:** Mom, have you ever thought about getting a vibrator?

 **June:** Nope, I already own one.

 **Jack:** Mom! o.O

 **Jack:** I meant Volkswagen

 **Jack:** Christ. I'm gonna need an amazing therapist.

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** There's supposed to be a tenth of an inch of rice tomorrow. So we can't go racing :(

 **Bee:** That's a shit ton of rice

 **Smokescreen:** Lol, ice not rice

 **Bee:** Imagine how many hungry people we could feed if we collected it all

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** Strokemeoff for dinner tonight?

 **June:** Maybe later ;)

 **Agent Fowler:** *Stroganoff

* * *

 **Chromia:** What are you doing?

 **Moonracer:** Watching some human show, Keeping Up With The Lard Ashcans

 **Moonracer:** What the frag did I just type?

 **Chromia:** It sounds like a heavy metal band!

 **Moonracer:** I meant Kardashian

 **Chromia:** I just slapped the ground while laughing

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** I just finished watching Frozen. I love it!

 **Arcee:** Do you wanna build a sexman~

 **Arcee:** Eek! Meant seaman

 **Arcee:** Snowman!

 **Smokescreen:** Sexman! I don't even...

* * *

 **Miko:** Oh yeah, just had the best eighteenth birthday party ever and my sheets don't smell like male or sex victory!

 **Jack:** ...did you just use sex victory as euphemism for cum?

 **Miko:** lol no

 **Jack:** Then what?

 **Miko:** My sheets don't smell like male or sex! Victory

 **Jack:** Never underestimate the power of punctuation!


	15. Chapter 15

**Smokescreen:** I'm so bored! I've been counting the cracks in the ceiling. So far I've found five and I'm naming them after the members of 1D. What are you doing?

 **Jack:** Just eating some taxis with Miko

 **Smokescreen:** You must be really hungry

 **Jack:** *tacos

* * *

 **Arcee:** I'll be there in a minute. Just touching myself.

 **Wheeljack:** What?!

 **Wheeljack:** I mean, do what you gotta do. Just don't know why you'd tell me.

 **Arcee:** No! Organizing! I'm ORGANIZING myself. I can not believe that just happened. ('='.'=)

 **Wheeljack:** I've read it five times and I still can't believe it.

* * *

 **Miko:** Good news. I got the tickets!

 **Bulkhead:** Ass zone!

 **Bulkhead:** Wtf I typed awesome

 **Miko:** Your phone is a freak

 **Bulkhead:** True

* * *

 **Bluestreak:** I'm so excited! When's your inbreeding?

 **Sunstreaker:** Oh, whenever I decide to frag Sideswipe into the floor.

 **Bluestreak:** INTERVIEW

 **Bluestreak:** I just laughed out loud in the middle of The Fault In Our Stars. Prowl thinks I'm insane now! Thanks a lot!

 **Sunstreaker:** Ok :P

* * *

 **Raf:** So excited. I'm going to Arm gland for three weeks!

 **Bee:** What

 **Raf:** England, DYAC!

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Hey :) What are you doing tonight?

 **Arcee:** I'm just gonna chill. Probably Warcraft gymnastics.

 **Bulkhead:** That doesn't sound very relaxing.

 **Arcee.:** Watch. Not warcraft. Bloody auto-correct!

* * *

 **Jun:** Jack, will you be able to stay with the Autobots for a few days. I have to go out of town. A friend of mine is getting masturbated.

 **Jack:** I'm very happy for her.

 **June:** Oh my god. Married!

 **June:** My phone is a pervert :(


	16. Chapter 16

**June:** Finally got laid!

 **Ratchet:** Do you want a medal?

 **June:** What?

 **June:** Oh no...paid! I just got paid!

 **June:** I want to through my phone out of a window

* * *

 **Bee:** That movie was amazing!

 **Smokescreen:** I fist you!

 **Bee:** o.O dude

 **Smokescreen:** *hear I meant hear I swear!

 **Bee:** I'm putting this on Twitter

 **Smokescreen:** Don't!

 **Bee:** Too late. That's what you get for fisting me (^.^)

* * *

 **Jack:** Damn, I really want arsenic right now

 **Arcee:** What

 **Jack:** Ass

 **Jack:** Application

 **Jack:** APPLESAUCE THERE I SAID IT

* * *

 **Sideswipe:** No, just no

 **Sideswipe:** You're the only one rhomboid like that

 **Sideswipe:** Tanning

 **Sideswipe:** Thinking

 **Sunstreaker:** I've never been insulted with geometric shapes before. This new to me

 **Sunstreaker:** What? Quadrilateral got your glossa? :P

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** I'm watching Jerry Maguire with Miko. It's hilarious!

 **Wheeljack:** I love that movie

 **Wheeljack:** SHOW ME THE NUNNERY

 **Wheeljack:** *money

* * *

 **Arcee:** That party was amazing

 **Arcee:** Everyone rockin out to Bosnian Rapist

 **Ratchet:** Can't say I've heard that one...

 **Arcee:** Bohemian Rhapsody! That's what I meant to say!

 **Arcee:** Damn autocorrect.

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** WHAT IF EYEBALLS HAVE BUTTS BUT WE DON'T KNOW CUZ THEY'RE HIDDEN IN OUR SKULLS

 **Agent Fowler:** What the...

 **Agent Fowler:** How drunk was I last nigh?

 **Optimus:** You don't want to know.


	17. Texts From Last Night

**Arcee:** Wheeljack is soooo cute

 **Arcee:** He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him

 **Chromia:** Are you drunk?

 **Arcee:** No I'm Arcee

* * *

 **Miko:** Packing for collage has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.

 **Bulkhead:** MIKO NAKADAI

 **Miko:** NO NO NO NO NO NO NO WRONG NUMBER!

 **Bulkhead:** I wish I could unread that

* * *

 **Lennox:** Just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off my chest. You're all assholes.

 **Epps:** I should have known you were drunk when you were having a conversation with a tiki torch

* * *

 **Miko:** Jack, I think you went too far last night

 **Jack:** Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Burger King

* * *

 **Epps:** Only two more days and then we're on leave!

 **Lennox:** Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.

* * *

 **Sunstreaker:** So Bluestreak, how'd your date go?

 **Bluestreak:** It went pretty well

 **Bluestreak:** When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** I hate Snapchat

 **Bee:** Why?

 **Smokescreen:** Someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl

* * *

 **Jack:** Last night was weird. Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am...I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac  & cheese.

* * *

 **Prowl:** You're paying for the new berth-frame. Now where am I going to sleep tonight?

 **Jazz:** Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty berth frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.

* * *

 **Glenn Whitmann:** Where did you disappear to last night?

 **Maggie Madsen:** I assumed that you passed out. I'm drinking jager and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship would have been appreciated.


	18. Chapter 18

**Miko:** I love college. Pancakes and cocaine for breakfast~

 **Miko:** Oh my god no! no! Autocorrect T.T

 **Jack:** Lol, I was seriously worried for a second

* * *

 **Arcee:** Ok, I didn't really say that. All I did was point out that she's a hippo tot

 **Ratchet:** What are you talking about.

 **Arcee:** Hippocrates

 **Arcee:** Wtf this thing is possessed

 **Arcee:** HYPOCRITE. She's a hypocrite. There I said it.

* * *

 **Jack:** I can't make it, my mom's tits popped

 **Miko:** D: Popped?!

 **Jack:** TYRES. DYAC T.T

 **Miko:** I almost chocked from laughing!

 **Miko:** You did this to me T.T

* * *

 **Lennox:** Are we doing a hyena tonight?

 **Epps:** Nope, but I'll gladly watch you do it. Have at it bro

 **Lennox:** ?

 **Lennox:** *anything. Are we doing anything tonight?

 **Lennox:** I don't think there's any hyenas around, but I'll try to find one.

* * *

 **Miko:** Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test

 **Jack:** You mixed the pill up with a tic-tac again didn't you

 **Miko:** You know me so well it's scary

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Best song ever?

 **Bee:** Bogeyman Rapist?

 **Wheeljack:** ...Can't say I've heard that one

 **Bee:** Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

 **Wheeljack:** We'll have to agree to disagree. I personally would pick Baba O'Reilly by the Who, but still good choice.

* * *

 **Starscream:** I've apologized a thousand times. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME

 **Knockout:** Actions speak louder than wombats

 **Knockout:** *Words. That was funny but I'm still mad at you

 **Knockout:** You didn't listen when I said "Watch the paint" Nobody listens. It takes work to look this good!

 **Knockout:** Not that you would know anything about that

* * *

 **Bee:** WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT

 **Bee:** AH SHIT WRONG NUMBER, AND MY CAPS LOCK IS STUCK

 **Bulkhead:** No big deal. I won't tell anyone

 **Bulkhead:** Out of curiosity who was this meant for?

* * *

 **Ratchet:** How are you?

 **Arcee:** So stressed! Feel like I need to masturbate

 **Ratchet:** Don't let me stop you.

 **Arcee:** *Meditate. Damn autocorrect

* * *

 **Lennox:** You are such a casserole sometimes

 **Epps:** Eh...thank you?

 **Lennox:** *asshole

 **Epps:** What did I ever do to you

 **Lennox:** Will I start with the time you drew a dick on my face with a sharpie or with the time you groped me

 **Epps:** Either one will do

* * *

 **June:** We need to get some strawberries and let them masturbate

 **June:** Masturbate

 **June:** MARINATE

 **Jack:** Lol, can do mom

* * *

 **Dreadwing:** Now that you're back together are you going to tell him that you set his stuff on fire?

 **Knockout:** Some things are better left unsaid


	19. Chapter 19

**Miko:** Ugh, the guy sitting next to me on the bus was watching porn of this chicken tied to a bed

 **Miko:** And because of his shitty headphones I could hear everything

 **Miko:** EVERYTHING

 **Bulkhead:** ...a chicken?

 **Bulkhead:** That guy has problems beyond shitty headphones

 **Miko:** Oh my god just noticed that now! xD

 **Miko:** *chick

* * *

 **Miko:** Getting in the bath. Bend over to turn the water on and I see something fun. What is it? A piece of grandpa hiding under my boob :/

 **Miko:** *Granola xD

 **Raf:** OMG

 **Raf:** GRANDPA UNDER YOUR BOOB :'D

 **Raf:** I'm crying but it's worth it

* * *

 **June:** Out of surgery now, it went very well. Doctor said this horny asian was larger than expected

 **June:** Oh my gosh...herniation. It turned herniation into horny asian.

 **Ratchet:** Your text just made my day. Thank you.

* * *

 **Breakdown:** It's been ages since I've seen you. Miss your gas.

 **Breakdown:** *Face, not gas

 **Knockout:** I don't blame you. I've got a fabulous face~ ^^

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** I'm still waiting for the plumber to come. Is it possible to reschedule the meeting? Don't bite no no bite bad.

 **Optimus:** Why would I bite you? In the grand scheme of things, being late is not the worst thing. I'll ask if they can reschedule.

 **Agent Fowler:** Sorry. The cat bit me while I did voice to text.

* * *

 **Bee:** Ok new rule. No food/eating while I'm giving you a ride somewhere. Today is the nth time I've cleaned your meth and crack whores out. Those stains are damn hard to get out of leather.

 **Bee:** *mess of crackers

 **Raf:** You're starting to sound like Knockout with all the talking you're doing about your interior. However, you do make a good point. Do you want any help with cleaning it out?

 **Raf:** Lord knows that crack whores are messy xD


	20. Chapter 20

**Jack:** I think I need to take my dog to the vet :/

 **Raf:** Why?

 **Jack:** I'm almost certain she has dicks. I saw a huge one on her back the other day.

 **Raf:** ...Well, that certainly is one reason to take your dog to a vet (._.)

 **Jack:** No no no I meant ticks! I think she has ticks! I think I need to take my bloody phone to a vet, cause something's wrong with it.

* * *

 **Miko:** I'm babysitting the perviest dog in the world. I found him chewing one of my bras yesterday, and he's already destroyed five other ones.

 **Bulkhead:** What type of dog?

 **Miko:** A burger collie

 **Miko:** Heh! A border collie, he'd be more tolerable if he was a burger T.T

* * *

 **Bee:** Are we doing a hyena tonight?

 **Smokescreen:** Nope, but I'll watch you do it :/

 **Bee:** I doubt there are any hyena's around, but I'll have a look xD

 **Smokescreen:** Lmao, I'm staying in tonight. I have an early shift tomorrow :/

* * *

 **June:** She's the posh one in the family. I always hear her with her husband "I'm arriving! I'm arriving!"

 **Jack:** wat

 **June:** Ooops! Wrong number (=^.^=). Meant to send this to someone else

 **Jack:** Mom, since when did you use emojis

 **June:** Oh come on! I'm a cool mom (^.^)

 **Jack:** Please. Stop. Now.

* * *

 **Agent Fowler:** There's another meeting scheduled for 6 tomorrow. The top brass are in through the ass stick about it. I'm not so sure.

 **Ratchet:** They are what?! Is this some kinky human thing I haven't been told about yet?

 **Agent Fowler:** No no! I meant *enthusiastic. I'm using voice recognition, it's buggy sometimes.

 **Ratchet:** Alright then, in the mean time, I'm going to try and get rid of certain mental images.

* * *

 **Miko:** I'm thinking of fucking a cake this weekend. Want to help?

 **Jack:** No thanks bruh. You do you, I'll do me and we won't do each other (or pastries)

 **Miko:** *baking! I meant baking (;.;)

 **Jack:** Hehe, I burn everything I bake, so I'm not going to be helpful :/ In the area of taste-testing how ever...

* * *

 **June:** I'm in Walmart. I've got milk and butter. Is there anything else I should get?

 **Jack:** Can you get doritos? Also, what's for dinner?

 **June:** I was thinking salad and maybe a naked pastor

 **Jack:** With some fava beans and a nice Chianti?

 **June:** *baked potato! I meant baked potato

 **June:** Clarice


	21. Texts From Last Night 2

**Epps:** We should start a Freak-Out-The-Cashier contest. I just bought red high heels, lube and Jersey Shore Season 2

* * *

 **Knockout:** Then a garbage truck pulls up, they hop out and walk right in like they own the place

 **Breakdown:** Is this normal behavior for humans at a nightclub?

 **Knockout:** I don't know! The last time I was here somebody brought in an elk

 **Breakdown:** An elk?

 **Knockout:** I don't even know how they fitted it through the door.

* * *

 **Jack:** Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all the bacon, asshole

* * *

 **Bee:** How high were you when you left that message because you made actual credible seal noises

 **Smokescreen:** What's a seal?

 **Bee:** WTF were you drinking last night

 **Smokescreen:** I want to know as much as you do

* * *

 **June:** My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream

 **June:** Oh god wrong number

 **Jack:** MOM WHAT THE HELL

 **June:** I'm allowed to have a life!

 **Jack:** You don't have to text me about it

* * *

 **Miko:** I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god now xD

 **Arcee:** Well done you ^^

 **Arcee:** I just tighten the bolts on my chestplate

 **Arcee:** Works every time

* * *

 **Arcee:** Good news: I got laid. Bad news: By my boss

 **Moonracer:** How many times have I told you? You + Mind Altering Substances = Bad Decisions

 **Arcee:** Does it count as a bad decision if it was really really good?

 **Moonracer:** Yes

* * *

 **Jack:** How long until you're healed?

 **Miko:** Physically? A week. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat party and flashing my panties to the whole crowd will never heal

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** I made a profile on that new dating site

 **Bee:** Plenty Of Bots?

 **Smokescreen:** Yeah. My profile is full of Attack On Titan references and only people who get them are getting messages back

 **Bee:** Seems reasonable

* * *

 **Chromia:** HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!

 **Arcee:** Face it, the closest you're getting to successful is "Better Than Moonracer"

* * *

 **Epps:** I don't know, I have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk

 **Lennox:** HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EXPLAIN THAT TO MY FAMILY! IT WAS THREE IN THE AFTERNOON FOR FUCKS SAKE.

* * *

 **Lennox:** I'm never going out with you again. I've never been this hung-over in my life

 **Epps:** Oh come on we were drinking out of pineapples that had to count for something

* * *

 **Jack:** What happened?

 **Miko:** Mardi Gras

 **Jack:** Everytime

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** I was just thinking what if all the energon on Earth turned to jello and I got freaked out

* * *

 **Knockout:** Remind me to tell you about the topless police woman who tried to taze me

 **Breakdown:** Will do

* * *

 **Jack:** Bulkhead, do you know where Miko is? I haven't seen her for two days and she isn't answering her phone. My mom has filed a missing persons report.

 **Bulkhead:** Don't worry, I found her outside Taco Bell drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** FUCK YOU ENERGON I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW

* * *

 **Raf:** Sorry for yelling at you, I'm emotional about missing Comicon

 **Bee:** I know that feel :/

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** Pretty sure that ice cream van is following me

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** My paint-job is scratched from sitting on someone's face on concrete

 **Bee:** Seriously?

 **Smokescreen:** Totally worth it

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Why don't you just come over, fuck me and then leave so I can get drunk and watch CSI: New York

* * *

 **Miko:** I need to get all the one night tinders out of my system before collage is over for this year

 **Jack:** That would be a good idea

* * *

 **Starscream:** Sorry I blacked out our whole relationship

* * *

 **Bee:** Something must have happened. They started yelling "truffle butter" and you said "WE NEED TO LEAVE NOW"

 **Ratchet:** I'll tell you when you're older

 **Bee:** I'm old enough to get drunk

 **Ratchet:** Trust me, you're not old enough to know about this

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** It's shark week go big or go home

* * *

 **Arcee:** Are you sexting with minion stickers right now

 **Knockout:** This is a new low even for me


	22. Chapter 22

**Miko:** Are you ready to go to the carrot?

 **Jack:** Wut

 **Miko:** Dammit CARROT

 **Miko:**.

 **Miko:** Concert! The Concert

 **Jack:** Oh yeah I'm ready, lol

* * *

 **Arcee:** FML, I just read Leia Organa as Leia Orgasms

 **Wheeljack:** What sort of Star Wars are you watching

 **Wheeljack:** Is it the porn parody with Handjob Solo and U-Do-Mi-2

* * *

 **Lennox:** You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.

 **Epps:** One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a Tuesday. Today is not that day.

* * *

 **June:** Why didn't you tell me that your new girlfriend only ate orgasm meat? There's perfectly good stuff in the shop and yet you left her stuck eating salad!

 **Jack:** Orgasm meat?

 **June:** ORGANIC

 **June:** Damn phone

* * *

 **Elita-One:** I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.

 **Ratchet:** You know me

* * *

 **Bee:** Was the movie any good?

 **Raf:** If you like Star Wars, then go. But there isn't much explanation between Return of the Jewish and the Force Awakens.

 **Raf:** *Jedi

 **Bee:** Return of The Jewish XD

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** I got you breasts for Christmas

 **Miko:** U WOT M8

 **Bulkhead:** BEATS

 **Bulkhead:** By Doctor Dre

 **Bulkhead:** I got you headphones please don't murder me

* * *

 **Bee:** MERRY CHRISTMAS MOONCHILD WHAT DID YOU GET

 **Raf:** I got an anus laptop and some ball point penis

 **Bee:** What kind of drugs have you been taking cause I want some

 **Bee:** Ratchet is singing again

 **Raf:** An ASUS laptop and some ball point PENS

 **Bee:** k you had me worried

* * *

 **Jack:** I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such great hopes for myself as a child.

 **Miko:** yea...tonic water is fucking gross.

* * *

 **Miko:** Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.

* * *

 **June:** Happy Syphilis

 **Ratchet:** Isn't that an STI

 **June:** Merry *Christmas

 **June:** Syphilis isn't too merry from...what I've heard

* * *

 **Bee:** THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.

 **Smokescreen:** On my way

* * *

 **Starscream:** Don't forget, we're doing the thing on Sunday

 **Knockout:** Wanking in anticipation

 **Knockout:** *Waiting

* * *

 **Prowl:** What's that Earth Christmas band you like again?

 **Jazz:** Fran's Sociopathic Orchid

 **Jazz:** Trams Subordinate Orchestra

 **Jazz:** TRANS SIBERIAN ORCHESTRA DAMMIT

* * *

 **Epps:** Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.

 **Lennox:** I'm the one who has to explain it to my mother

* * *

 **Arcee:** So what did Miko give you for Christmas

 **Jack:** A box of children

 **Jack:** I meant chickens

 **Jack:** I meant CHOCOLATES

* * *

 **Miko:** Dammit I caught my shirt on fire taking a bong rip and now it's all singed

 **Miko:** It was the one that cute French girl left in my apartment

 **Jack:** The Avengers one

 **Miko:** Yeah :/

* * *

 **June:** I really want penis right now

 **Jack:** wat o.0

 **June:** *peanuts

 **Jack:** Oh gosh you had me freaked out

* * *

 **Miko:** It's so nice being home, but I miss you guys.

 **Miko:** Oh god

 **Jack:** What

 **Miko:** My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas.

* * *

 **Bee:** Stay inside, there's goofball sized hail forecast

 **Arcee:** What? XD

 **Bee:** Goofball

 **Bee:** Golf fucking ball

* * *

 **Knockout:** Fuck you. Leave my ass out of this. IT DID NOTHING TO YOU

* * *

 **June:** I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!

 **Jack:** MOM

 **June:** I have a life outside of this house

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Hey, I just saw there was an earthquake near you, you ok?

 **Bulkhead:** We're all fine

 **Wheeljack:** What did it rate on the titty scale?

 **Bulkhead:** They only jiggled a little, so not that high

 **Wheeljack:** *Richter

* * *

 **Arcee:** All I've had today is energon and orgasms

 **Wheeljack:** Hey, you do you girl

 **Arcee:** Doing myself is all I've been doing


	23. La Final (not really)

This is where Love Is 4 Walls ended it. This is the last chapter that is credited to them, starting next chapter and onward is all of my stuff.

See you guys soon with more updates! :-)

Also, please let me know if you have any suggestions. I'd love to see what you guys come up with.

* * *

 **Bee:** Ugh stuck in traffic behind the ugliest cat ever

 **Raf:** ?

 **Bee:** Ugly car

 **Bee:** There's no such thing as an ugly cat they're all cute

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** Butthole he eat it's your turn to do nightshift tonight

 **Wheeljack:** ...

 **Wheeljack:** That was meant to be by the way

 **Wheeljack:** Excuse me while I go jump off a bridge

* * *

 **Miko:** Do you still want to eat dicks for lunch

 **Miko:** At dickeys

 **Miko:** Not eat dicks

 **Jack:** What

* * *

 **Miko:** Our state has orgasms that let you take classes for free

 **Bulkhead:** Where do I sign up

 **Miko:** PROGRAMS OMG XD

* * *

 **Bee:** Can't you just get a rectal I'm busy

 **Bee:** *rental

 **Raf:** lol no xD

* * *

 **Arcee:** I think if I could have one Earth food I'd have hot chilli fuckers

 **Arcee:** *hot chocolate

 **Arcee:** You gotta be joking m8

* * *

 **Bulkhead:** A man playing a piano, possible a bully Joel tribute act

 **Bulkhead:** Bully joel

 **Bulkhead:** NVM they're playing Clapton now

* * *

 **Ratchet:** Well done, you graduated. What's your major again?

 **Raf:** Bitchtit administration and finance

 **Raf:** *Business omg

* * *

 **Miko:** I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"

* * *

 **June:** Can you feed the dog? Just lesbian work now

 **June:** Just *leaving work oh my god

 **Jack:** I don't think feeding the dog is just lesbian work xD

* * *

 **Bee:** What's it like?

 **Smokescreen:** Beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur

* * *

 **Miko:** What is good friday about?

 **June:** It's the day Jesus died for your SYMPHONYBAR

 **Miko:** Wow thanks I love chocolate ^^

 **June:** I meant sins, but what is funny is that I write Symphonybar in my grocery list the whole time.

* * *

 **Ratchet:** So why aren't you on shift today?

 **Arcee:** Let's just say there's definitely a learning curve with a sex swing.

* * *

 **Knockout:** I don't intetionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.

* * *

 **Miko:** In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know; they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!

* * *

 **Jack:** I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.

 **Miko:** Poor Dave

 **Jack:** Save the date

* * *

 **Knockout:** Well what the fuck do you want?

 **Starscream:** Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged

 **Starscream:** But I guess hugs would be nice

* * *

 **Smokescreen:** I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night

* * *

 **Wheeljack:** I just need spam ok

 **Bulkhead:** Wat

 **Wheeljack:** *Space

 **Bulkhead:** You weirdo

 **Wheeljack:** Lol


End file.
